Copyright 2005 Donna Payne
I recently completed a kick-butt piece of compelling sales copy
for a business coach, who tried to ‘stay awake during the
operation’ and change what I had written.
The section in question was the sub-head title: “Attention:
Success Minded Entrepreneurs and Small Business owners”
She changed it to: Attention: Management or technical
consultants, CPA’S, Attorney’s, Financial Planners, Nurse
Entrepreneurs, Corporate Trainers, Veterinarians, Executive
Coaches , Employment Specialist and other Independent
Professionals and Small Business Service Professionals.
What’a mouthful! I quickly wrote and explained that:
1.Adding in the other professionals makes it read like your
doing a “roll call”. 2.Your prospect needs to feel like your
talking only to him, not a broad list of people or the “shot-gun
effect”. 3.It’s no longer scan-able… and hard for the eye to
follow. 4.It clutters up the concept and makes it feel awkward.
5.Doesn’t do a thing for your keywords or ranking. 6.Makes you
look like a “generalist” not a specialist. Like you’re too eager
and want to help everybody. People want to enlist help from a
However: I would strongly suggest doing this: •Having specific
SAR (situation, action, result) testimonials from each of those
professions. We can place 5-6 testimonials together above your
introduction that are from these various individuals…CPA,
Veterinarian, Attorney, etc. demonstrating “I fit into this
category of solo-pro’s, look at these specific results…I’m sure
she can help me too”
•AND if the reader doesn’t feel they fit then that’s ok too.
Your copy needs to be clear enough so that people can self
qualify and not bother contacting you. I’m sure there’s been an
occasion where you’ve really wanted to let a client go and wish
you’d never taken them on in the first place. This gives you
stronger boundaries and an “out” if you need it.
For example: I only work with Solo-Professionals, Coaches &
Therapists. I’m able to take on other clients if I want to, but
it eliminates the “Oh, you’re a web designer, can you help me
with my website?” from the snake handler down the street. (ok,
so that’s an extreme example! But I get requests like that all
the time, LOL!) I only want to work with successful
professionals who are Coachable and Motivated. I think you do
Now it’s your turn.
How does YOUR copy read? Do you have a shot gun aimed at every
visitor, or laser-focused to your target niche?